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Back home to be a better myself, that is the meaning of a trip.

MaMa-2

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. This may sound a conditional affection, but It rings true to the relationship between my Mom and I. Both of us have a strong self-awareness yet possess quite different personalities. Mom never stops trying to provide an example to follow while I always attempt to affect the way mom behaves or thinks. We are both influential figures in our respective social networks. However, we seldom lead a life that is different due to each other’s particular preferences, requirements, or even complaints. But it does not mean I have been completely immune to Mom’s emotional issues and her passions – these can run high if I react against her even if I am not deliberately doing the opposite of what she wants me to do. For example, Mom thinks I take all of my friends for granted. This is because I rarely, if ever, contact them and even do not respond to the messages and letters I receive on special festivals. She also says that I am too outspoken in front my bosom buddies and that I leave without acknowledging their help. From my Mom’s point of view, my attitude to ordinary and close friends respectively is one of unconcern and offense .”People are not always what they seem to be and why do I need to be obligated to specifically react to their ever-changing minds and feelings?” I once replied to mom’s criticism. “Do not judge others: analyze what has gone wrong with yourself” Mom schools me again. “Dear mom, unfortunately, there is nothing wrong with my life, but one of the best...

“Wish you an auspicious start to the new school year in HKU”.

“Wish you an auspicious start to the new school year in HKU”. This is a message I received a few days ago from a friend who just flown to America to attend a business college there. Surely, it is a blessing but I feel reluctant to send some seemingly positive feedback to her, for example, wish her a promising school time as well. “Why don’t you try being a little more encouraging?” You might ask. Someone even say “You are not supposed to be jealous, are you?”. Well, I would only say that I won’t blurt out any encouragements or supports to a thing which my friends or family members are aiming at without being convinced of the positive influence it will have on their life. In a addition, people are apt to be ambitious for a worthier future, however, when they fail to meet their expectations they would be overwhelmed by feelings of disappointment, anger, or distress. it may even result in some mental disorders if they experience a harsh reality of life which is in contrast to what they imagined. So I would endeavor to provide a timely help when they need to overcome the obstacles that be placed on their path rather than playing a role as a catalyst to boost their ego at the very beginning. In fact, I once asked my friend about why she decided to study overseas when she just began to submit the application documents to the schools. She gave no reason for her decision, instead, she complained bitterly that preparing for TOEFL is so laborious and she worried herself sick about the...

The end is another start

The rail seems to extend as far as we could imagine otherwise over a period of our lifetime. Some people say it symbolizes the development of the society by reducing geographical isolations while others complain that it just seemingly brings us closer and in fact tears us apart. The stories taking place on the trains are from and beyond our imagine. Passengers get on and off continuously without break, starting or ending their lives along the way. Backing home with accomplishments or heading to a new place with hopes, I could just wish our lives blossom and flourish with the whistles of the trains. While I am on the train, I always seem to become a girl of deep reflection. With thousands of paradoxical coming and going in my mind, I have finally figured out nothing and found I myself was a paradox. Gradually, I realized that there is no answer for the paradox and ambiguity of the society and we do not need any coordinated approaches to the problems. We could naturally conduct our life agreeably in any situations by keep going like a tireless train. After all, it is us who are powering it up. The end is another start. This is the most wonderful part of a trip on the train that I could expect so far, either traveling with a lover or strangers is not really...

MaMa-1

My mom seldom, if ever, pushes me, but frequently devotes herself to different careers. She once told me that she was not ambitious for me, but I should be able to afford the social security. Admittedly, I was not on the same page with my mom when referring to social security as an indispensable part of our lives. She may never, to my knowledge, considered what it exactly was as well. I eventually managed to steer our conversation away from if I could survive on no money by saying that ” Mom, you are my life insurance. ” Afterwards, I found that I spoke it up not from my mind but heart. I did feel safe staying with my mom, for she never slapped me as my father once did when I failed the texts, and she was never over scrupulous about my life as my stepfather has been, making me feel no obligation to be outstanding. She is absolutely assertive to set rules at home and work, actively to be a leader and still feels comfortable when there are no followers. Like mother, like daughter, I was born to be a leader, and need to lead myself to become a follower of my mom when the situation calls for it. Basically, how others see me is the least of my worries, but I would not disregard my mom’s anxieties for the same issues, which are not annoying but endearing, troublesome to deal with but highly productive for both of us to experience together. Consequently, we may better understand each other and feel more qualified to be daughter and...

“For you, a thousand times over” Survive Nepal Earthquake-3

Emerging from a long, deep sleep, relief surged through me and the day of the Nepal earthquake began to pass before my eyes automatically. It was a cooler-than-usual noon for April in Kathmandu with heavy clouds in sky and a gusty breeze bringing a nip to the air. I was about to check out of the hotel in Thamel, standing on the second floor of a five-story apartment, I suddenly heard a throaty rumble and felt a ripple beneath me. With a certain reluctance to conjure up any disasters, It did took me a couple of seconds longer to understand why people were yelling out “earthquake”. Before having time to think about moving or not, I had been dragged down onto the bottom floor by a Nepali boy with a rude yet generous manner, he then urged me desperately cover my head with hands while leaning against a swaying pillar to control the trembling in his body. Until now, I could still feel the concrete slab floor rising up and down and had an acute sense of waiting for the ceiling falling in chunks on our heads. For a moment everyone seemed to have been deprived of the power of speech, forming the opening syllables first of one word, then of the other, over and over again as if we did not know which word we were going to say. As the voices of the praying for heaven’s mercy rose, I was just aware that I joined a huddle of men, surging forward to an open space of a plaza in Thamel. To be honest, I was not obviously...

A Letter to Ryo, Survive Nepal Earthquake-2

Dear Ryo, Our flight eventually landed safely, and I’m currently staying at my friend’s 23-stories high apartment, which sounds extremely shocking at this moment when even settling at the bottom of the house could be a threaten to us.  Albeit it looked out of order, things in airport turned out to be going more smoothly than I deemed , from checking to boarding. We even landed about 50-minutes earlier than it should be, no any bother with delay happened to other flights. It might because you were there backing me up, and I would never forget the picture that you lifted my heave luggage up to the top of the taxi without saying a word.  To comfort myself, I thus decided to write and pass my blessing to you, this might be the mere thing I could do for a while. Obviously, It’s less helpful than what you have done for me.  Hopefully, I could make it up in the near future. So please stay safe and take care, which I have to say to you again and again even though I am quite sure you are strong enough to head to your next destination. Nepal is a truly home-like place from which we never tried to escape, but we have to put safety prior to other things for the responsibility we have to family and ourselves. Actually I even refused to give my parents a hug when they picked me up in the airport to conceal the fact that I was trembling. Believe it or not, I was just reading your article with my friends while hearing from you by last email. I felt extremely distressing looking at debris and...

Back to China, Survive Nepal Earthquake-1

As the death toll of Nepal earthquake rises, there are shortages in water, food, electricity, however, no lack of volunteers consisting of people who are actually struck by quake and suffering from aftershocks, to help with disaster relief, from pulling survivors from rubbles to pitching tents. In fact, I got a hot porridge the next morning of the quake from a Chinese volunteer. In spite of not being among people contributing to the effort, I managed to settle myself in a half meter wide mattress so that I would not take up too much space in a public tent. So far,  I have spent 3 wet and cold nights outside, hearing people coughing  and dogs barking, they did not interrupt my dream at all, they were the signs of life at this deadly moment and I would rather listen to all kinds of sounds as long as it’s not from the cawing of ravens, according to which, is a predictor of a coming aftershock. Since earthquake hit Nepal on noon Saturday when I was about to check out of a hotel in Thamel, central Kathmandu, people were camped in the open, the stores were closed, the hospital was overflowing, the power was off, and I am alive, albeit not in every nerve, energetic and dynamic enough to go back to my family and friends.  Currently, I am heading to airport, if there is no congestion keeps flight from parking, according to which some planes was forced to turn back, I would be home this eveving. I might even have a chance to have dinner with my closest friend Gingin who will...

You are such a Xiaoniu

“Selfie” One day, I was asked if I could recall the last time I need to deal with a difficult person, I said I could rarely remember any of them because I myself might be the most difficult one, troubling others very frequently. I once lost the control of my emotion and shouted to one of my bosom buddies for no reason. Knowing that I did it with the intention of hurting her, she did not react and attack to defend herself. Few hours after my impulsive response, I received a message saying that, “I would be rather willing to back you up when you feel like stepping on me. However, I did not try calming you down at the moment when I could see some opposite effects by dong so” Her message was the end to my awful emotion and also a fresh start to our relationship. I once became very impatient to teach my mom how to use an electronic gadget, the tones and words used by me turned to be impolite even sarcastic after repeating the same function for several times. Unfortunately, I was not aware of my rudeness until she lowered her voice to a whisper. As a heavy silence blanketed the room, I could not help speculating how a thunderstorm would come. When I finally screwed up the courage to look at my mom she had been already moving her attention to check some invoices. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to be emotionally involved which partly reduced my feeling of guilt. However, if I had an another chance to teach my mom, no matter what...

Fed by Pains

It just so happened that I got a sore throat while practicing the the pronunciation of Nepali letters. But my hard-working could not be the possible cause, since my pronunciation of Nepali still made no sense to the native speakers. The sore throat turned out to be a domino effect to my health, from headache to stomachache, from diarrhea to fever, I finally stopped myself to feel the pains passively, and thus to focus on an array of preformed questions. Such as what the pain exactly is? Who is really suffering from the panic attacks? If there’s no subjective feeling of the pain, will there be any hurt exists objectively?   I felt a little better as a result of questioning myself and subsequently recalled an article which defined the pain as a survival mechanism and pointed out that pain is an output of the brain, not an input from the body. These ideas may not just be some seemingly paradigm shifts, but can be actively used to alleviate the aches. However, constantly bothered by the uncomfortable sensations, I felt too faint to apply the theories into into practice. As always, it was the words from Master brought an end to my suffering. He said If you had believed in causes and effects, you would not feel painful mentally;  If you had some energy to call me, you ought to have enough strength to make your messy room spick and span instead of still feeling too weak to get up; If you could penetrate into the truth that there was in fact nothing bad ever happened to you,  you...

The reality is far from that

I used to travel a lot but had yet to cross the national boundaries by the time when I was capturing the landscapes of a customs town, ZhangMu, located on the China-Tibet border. Traveling overseas seemed to be deleted from my wishlist automatically ever since I visited my Buddhist Master Tian Zhen and gradually released from the delusion of chasing happiness based on external factors. By digging increasingly deep into the philosophy of the Buddhism, I had been expected to be less attached to things otherwise than the teaching of the Buddha, however, it was not an attachment but an inherent pleasure. Fortunately, before crossing the boundary bridge between China and Nepal, I was informed that there was a declared national strike called by opposition parties in Kathmandu which was coming up in two days and would last for 3-5days, It was not yet too late for me to change my schedule at that time by jumping into my friend’s car and went back to Tibet so that I would not risk being accidentally or potentially injured by some conflicts. However,even more fortunately, I did not go away but opt to move forward all the way down to the central area of Kathmandu, and eventually relieved myself by insuring that I was much safer than I deemed. Even though the strike crippled life in Kathmandu by shutting down schools, markets and transportation according to the reports, it didn’t trouble me by any means from my first-hand experience. More often that not, there’s little if any threat when moving to a brand new place. I’m still apt to condition myself...

My Potala Girl

The shutter speed was up to 1/1250 of a second at that moment, but still not fast enough to capture her dramatic radiance. It’s very true that one can photograph the flower but not its fragrance, one can photograph the candle but not its light. Between me and her, a little Tibetan girl, I would rather say there was no camera and lens, but two pairs of eyes sparkled when looking at each other, though mine was not as bright as hers. Among all Tibetan people I once asked for permission to take a picture of them, this little girl was one of the handful willing to face my camera. In most cases, the Tibetan people politely refused my request but did not make me feel rejected at all. They were basically focusing on chanting sutras or turning the prayer wheel. They had not ignored “the little me”, but concentrated on “the great Buddha” instead. Coming back to this girl, I met her up before our departure of the holy Potala Palace. In fact, I was the last visitor to leave at that day. The guard almost lost his patience and pretended to be angry with me. Since I just knew that he would never freak out otherwise be rude to a pilgrim which I deeply believed I have been, I felt entirely comfortable and free to finish my photos with this girl. In a way, I have other chances to come back to Potala, but not to her, which makes our meet unique and precious. She was like the effulgent sun, shining through and standing behind the clouds...

Microbus, Bigger Than I Deemed

Without squeezing yourself into a microbus, you would never know how big it exactly is. I was rather hesitant to say yes when the conductor leaned out a not fully stopped bus and asked me whether I need to get on or not. Unconsciously frowning through the window I noticed that the bus had already crammed with passengers and was virtually not available for us, two slim yet space-consuming girls. “This is the one! ” Being informed by a quite sure saying from my Nepali friend who was traveling with us at that time but would ride his bike after the bus instead, we eventually squeezed ourself into the van which is a more commonly known name for microbus among Nepali. The feeling of anxiety was arising this way in and just in my first time going around Kathmandu by microbus. The concerns gently faded away as we had even taken it more than 5 times one day. I would regret if I didn’t end up with taking that van. In fact, I felt overwhelmed not by crowd, but by the consideration and friendliness shown by them, even though the van was indeed overcrowding and the conductor kept cramming in passengers to maximize profits. No one shouldered us aside not even accidentally but tried to fold themselves to make more rooms for us. A young woman aged between 22-25 sitting beside me even reached out to keep my balance for several times when the van was bouncing and vibrating on the rough road. No one seemed to be forced to endure a “disgusting and sweaty” journey but merely take...

Connection with A Lion King

“Fear of interacting with dogs? Then give it a try to connect with A Lion King.” I once asked Master Tian Zhen for some specific tips for taking the tension out of introductions and interactions between dogs and me. However, my Master did not say even a word about the possible tips to comfort me, instead, he told me that I’m not alone in my fear because the dogs can be afraid of me as well. Further, he pointed out that I cared too much about myself thus lost the inherent compassion for others which were represented by dogs in this case and that was supposed to be deemed the very true cause of my problem, the reason why I had such a low threshold for feeling of anxiety when I encountered dogs and all other animals. The problem can be magnified if I mistakenly attribute my relatively sensitive senses to a fear of dogs otherwise leave it to some unknown and unexpected reasons so that I could attain the peace for a little while. Continually, there’s a voice lingering deep in my mind: How am I ever possible expected to be A lion King if I’m a afraid A Puppy? So once again I called Master Tian Zhen for any of his instructions before a long-due vacation to Tibet in which area the dogs especially the Tibetan Mastiffs are deemed to be honorable even worshiped by some Tibetan People. Fortunately, it seemed to be a great chance for me to overcome my fear of dogs in the name of worshiping powerful deities. Would it really help? Well, I...

Namaeste

Wandering aimlessly around an extremely dusty lane in Kathmandu, I did not expect such a holy smile shining from a Nepali girl coincident with a few whispered yet articulate words. Albeit I was not able to catch on to her literally at the very beginning, my gaze was automatically fasten on her eyes and locked for several long moments. Coming as another “Namaste” did, which turned out to be from her mom to greet me, an array of worries resulted from the first glance of Kathmandu were gently fading away. Namaste to my great master TianZhen and to you all as well. Photo by 小弥头(XiaoNiu), Gaushala,...